While it's true that I lead a rather hedonistic lifestyle chock full of Cosmos, chick flick marathons and decadent footwear, I know that disciplining oneself to stay in shape is important. Yes, exercise keeps the heart healthy and can stave off diabetes, but it also whips my butt into shape so that I can turn heads of men half my age – what could be better than that?
But don't expect to find me sweating it out on a treadmill wearing sweats and a ponytail anytime soon. No, darling, that is simply not how Bunionella rolls.
Years ago, a lightbulb went off in my head while watching an episode of MTV Cribs featuring Mariah Carey's fabulous abode. Fancy doesn't begin to describe the home, and her shoe closet was beyond words, but one other thing cemented the pop diva's place in my heart: The woman uses her stair machine while wearing heels! Brilliant. You know how your butt and the back of your thighs get sore after an evening of teetering around in pumps? Well, it's because walking in heels works muscle groups in your legs that stay relatively lazy when wearing flat shoes.
Mind you, this kind of exercise requires that I wear a bunion splint for several hours afterward, but I don't care.
I'm also a pretty big fan of Zumba, the workout that feels more like dancing in a club. During a Zumba class, the instructor pumps high-energy Latin, international and hip-hop music while she goes berserk and attendees try to keep up with the fast-paced moves. I'll admit, sometimes I have no idea what's going on and just end up free-styling, but I still feel sweaty and sore at the end.
The pole-dancing-as-a-workout trend has also been a boon to my physical fitness. This is another exercise where I can don my Louboutins as I channel my inner stripper. (Lucky for me, this doesn't even require me to come up with a new name.)
I'd be lying if I said these exercises didn't leave my bunions aching at the end of the day. But easing the pain is simple: I strap on my bunion splints, pop an ibuprofen and kick my feet up to watch the latest Sex and the City movie.